I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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