Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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