I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
