I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
