Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize