i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had to coat check the pizza.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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