She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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