Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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