; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
