my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
