He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
