Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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