I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
