Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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