Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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