My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
