Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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