Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
