Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
