Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
