It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I die, sorry about rent.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
