Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think my vagina is haunted
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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