trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
