fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
