things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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