I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
