Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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