So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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