I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
