So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
