so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
please don't ironically join a cult
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