Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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