I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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