My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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