maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Boobs speak an international language.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
