Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
