Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
