ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
