I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
