upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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