This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
