She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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