party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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