Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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