I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
