She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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