Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
