Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
