When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
