He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
