well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
