i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
