He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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