tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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