Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
