His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
