Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
