This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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