My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
