I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
