Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
