I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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