dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
