just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
