I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
