YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
a search helicopter?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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